Day 27: The Sex addicted maniac

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a sex addicted character where thoughts of having sex are constant, and I become psychotically obsessed with attaining sex from someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered into and as this character whenever I see or think of a woman in a particular event, scenario, it can be the smallest movement from a female and I become this sex addicted character, where as soon as this character engages I allow all kinds of fantasies in my mind of me having sex with the woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about having sex with specific other women as this sex addicted character, and to then find a way to either talk to the woman to try and get her number so I can arrange sex sometime, or to masturbate for an orgasm through creating a mental picture of the female I’m fantasizing about which is a form of rape and which is completely unacceptable so I must stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through years of watching pornography to masturbate for the orgasmic energy. Where I became addicted to the energy of orgasm, so I realise that this is how I have allowed this sex addict character to develop and why I react in such ways around females that I find attractive.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here moment of breath that within and as this sex addict character I am not even focused on physical movement as self-expression and enjoyment of the physical action of sex, but instead my focus is only on energy production.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that any sexual interaction from this starting point of energy is not actually real sexual interaction; it is an illusion because it only stems from this sex addict character as a mind consciousness system which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I allow myself to exist as this sex addicted maniac character, I physically cease to function here, and all I can do is focus on attaining sexual energy as an orgasm hunting zombie, when I could just stop participation with thoughts, and not engage myself as this character through effective self-corrective application of breathing which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require something outside of myself to enjoy sex, and to within this define myself according to separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to separation as a self-belief that I require something outside of myself to enjoy sex which is not true, because in fact enjoyment as sex is always self-generated, I realize that to say another person is the reason for my sexual enjoyment is separation which I am not willing to accept any further.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in all moments that sexual enjoyment is always self-generated here as physical interaction of touch, self-expressive movement, regardless of whether there is a partner I’m having sex with or not.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here breath that any sexual interaction from the starting point of energy fulfilment as this sex addicted maniac character will not be best for all but is abusive in nature which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of this character because e of a self-belief I have developed that I will apparently not enjoy sex so much if stop this character which is not true and is simply a justification to remain as this character limited in my expression, completely separated.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in all moments that a fear of letting go of any character is a fear of death, a fear of self, because i have defined myself as these characters in my mind for so long so in my mind I believe that I cease to function without them, when in fact it is when I am free of fear, free of all characters that I actually begin to function effectively really living life here in equality and oneness.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this sex addict character is not real, it only exists in my mind, and only manifest in my interaction in any moment through my accepted and allowed participation with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that while I’m existing as this sex addicted maniac character, that I cannot control myself, that I cannot diffuse the thought energy until I have sex or masturbation which is not true as in fact in can stop participation with any thought through breathing. To imply that I can’t control myself is simply a justification to continue attaining energy and is a disempowering statement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility to do what’s best for all every time that a thought based in the sex system comes up, because I realize that the more I feed into these thoughts, then the stronger this sex addict character becomes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I cannot stop this sex addicted maniac character just so I can continue to receive energy as this character furthering my starting point of separation and self-enslavement which must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within allowing myself to exist as this sex addicted character, I am unconsciously accepting this in every other human I meet, because as this sex addicted character I accept the charging of the sex system of every single human being in this world.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this sex addicted maniac character, because I see, realize and understand that this character is completely abusive to life. I do not accept this abuse to continue.

I do not accept anything other than Self-Honesty for myself as what is best for all life, because I realize that if I do not stand for life as who I really am in every moment, then I fall for everything in every moment as an illusionary reactive pre-programed robotic zombie.

I commit myself to not allowing any fear of letting go of this character, or any character for that matter, because I realize that any fear of letting go of any character is actually a fear of death, a fear of self because of defining myself as something illusionary that I believe I am, when this is not who I really am, who I really am I have never experienced before because it is the totality of life here as each breath, where no thought, feeling or emotion can control me in anyway. Complete equality and oneness as life.

I commit myself to exposing all characters of the mind in my world, my reality and this planet as a whole which are based in fuelling the sex system in each and every human, because I realize that we humans must become free of this self-created energy based sexual slavery, in order to become free and express ourselves as the totality of physical expression as real sex. 

I commit myself to remaining stable here as breath anytime I flag an indicator of this sex addicted maniac character coming up as a particular thought, feeling or emotion. I stop, I do not engage, I breathe and continue until here no further.

I commit myself to living the realization that this character is not actually real in anyway whatsoever and so has no relevance to practical reality in anyway, thus I commit myself to not allowing myself to participate in that which is not real in blind ignorance. I am only interested in living here as the physical as life, where I exist as, do, and give to others that which is best for all life.